Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
