yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
