You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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