What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
