i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
