I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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