I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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