I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize