thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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