Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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