Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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