I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
