So drunk its hurt
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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