I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Buhtt sex?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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