does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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