oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
