I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
