i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i think im in europe. pls send help
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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