Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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