This girl is more easily done than said...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
