So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
