So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
