I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
