Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
