It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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