I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
