Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
