Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
