So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Still dying that you shit outside
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
