Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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