he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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