Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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