So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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