You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
