i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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