the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
