I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
