A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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