When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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