well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
