She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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