I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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