The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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