Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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