I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
