If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
