Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
