thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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