clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
