Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
