Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
