Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
