Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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