You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
