Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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