if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
