Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You were trust falling into bushes
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
