its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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