You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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