So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
not ubering you a puppy
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
