The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize