i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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