he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize