why didn't you poke me back
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize