There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
