Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
