o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
