I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
