I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
