Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
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