hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
