hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
