Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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