Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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