She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
