i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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